Conversations with time capsules & letting go of books you love
THE MOSSHEART'S PROMISE is out in paperback today. The version of me that wrote it dead, but she left a key and some lemon bars on the table for you.
It’s September, and it feels like it. The inevitability of the coming winter is everywhere; leaves are yellowing, the days are growing shorter, and I find myself staring down upcoming releases and wondering where, exactly, the time went.
So right now, I’m making time. Grab yourself a cup of something lovely (my choice today jasmine pearl tea) and let’s catch up. It’s time to talk about time capsules — and letting go of books you love.
The paperback of Mossheart is out today, and all I can think about are time capsules.
An aspect of publishing no one can entirely prepare for is the odd dance of having people perpetually engage with “old” work, and by extension, a version of yourself and your craft that no longer exists. There is a necessary lag time in publishing — by the time a reader picks up a book on it’s shiny new-release Tuesday, that author has moved on. The book was finished anywhere from six months to a year or more prior.
I consider a book finished when pass pages have been completed. Pass pages are the phase where you’re going through the book in a PDF line by precious line largely to catch errors and make tiny tweaks. You do your very best not to change too much and ruin your designer’s life and cringe when you have to cut a line anyway.
Here’s an example of from THE GHOSTWING’S LIE, the sequel to Mossheart which publishes next month:
This is not the stage to reinvent the wheel. By the time I’m in pass pages, I’m in the home stretch. For my own self-preservation, I’m falling in love with something else. Whatever book I’m doing pass pages for is not me is not where my heart is — that’s busy bleeding all over whatever unnamed WIP is hiding in my Scrivener mega-folder. It’s a funny thing. When a book comes out, to the world, it’s brand new. But to me, it’s old news.
Maybe this is why publishing can sometimes feels like you’re shouting down a very, very long tunnel, and when people respond, they’re not responding to your most recent shout — they’re responding to an echo from two years ago. I think, often, of the idea of light years. This concept that if you were on a different planet from earth and the right distance away, and you managed to catch a glimpse of our chaotic little blue dot at the perfect time, you wouldn’t see us. You’d see dinosaurs1. You’d see the beginning of the planet or the ice age or nothing at all. That doesn’t make what you see any less real.
But, still. You’re behind my current reality.
So let me give you a concrete example of just how much that reality has changed.
Today, the paperback of THE MOSSHEART’S PROMISE publishes. I first wrote that book in 2020. But for the readers that will pick it up for the first time — and I sincerely hope there will be many readers picking it up for the first time! — that story will be brand new, and the twenty-five-year old version of myself that sat down to write that story in a moldy, peeling apartment is brand new, too.
To paint a picture of just how much has changed from when I first drafted Mossheart back in 2020 to it’s paperback release today — here’s where my life is at.
I have:
Healed from a very bad brain injury
Gotten engaged to the love of my life
Moved three times (ugh!), the most recent of which involved buying my first home with my fiance (yay!)
Change dayjobs three times
Quit said dayjob to write full time
Made friends, lost friends, started planning a wedding, got back on Tumblr, for Christ’s sake, what more example of times changing do you need?!
Even if my craft didn’t grow in that gap, I have. When I look back at the twenty five year old that sat down to first write about lost little fairies trapped in a big, moldy terrarium, I see a very ill girl drowning in uncertainty. I still spend a lot of my time uncertain — but I can say with confidence I’m much healthier and happier now. If I wrote Mossheart today, it would come out different. Maybe not better, but definitely different.
And if I wrote Mossheart today, there’d be a huge change in my craft. How big? Well, I can paint a picture for that, too.
Between that first draft of Mossheart and it’s paperback release, I’ve:
Pitched, outline, written, and revised my next YA novel, I KILLED THE KING
Started outlining it’s sequel
Pitched, outlined, and written my first IP graphic novel for Neopets, NEOPETS: THE OMELETTE FAERIE
Pitched, outlined, and written my second graphic novel for Neopets…more on that one soon!
Pitched, outlined, written and revised a 30k proposal for my next middlegrade
Pitched, outlined, and started writing my first proper crack at an adult novel. I’m at 79k at the time of this newsletter with a goal to finish before November, so we’ll see how that shakes out.
Soup to nuts, that’s like, four entire books, half of a fifth, and 3/4 of a sixth created in the gap between my first attempt at putting Mossheart to paper! If my craft hasn’t improved by leaps and bounds across those five books, I’m doing something wrong. It’s inevitable that every book I write is going to act as a kind of time capsule, with who I was and what I was capable of is frozen in time forever.
So I’ve chosen to love it.
With every reader, with every book and passing year, every story I put out will become less about me and more about whoever is diving into those pages. I know this isn’t how every author feels. For some, it drives them nuts to have readers reacting to elements of their craft they believe they’ve since fixed. While I’m loathe to give prescriptive advice, I feel like I can here: the sooner you learn to let go of a book, the sooner you can appreciate that people are going to give you far too much credit and far too little credit in the same breath. The only thing you can do is try to write something you’re proud of to the best of your abilities at the time — and move on. Trust that long after you’ve set a beloved world down, someone else will pick it up. And go love something new.
My process of letting go of a book feels a lot like this: like I’m stepping out of a cottage I once loved and lived in, but have since outgrown. On the kitchen table, I’ve left out some lemon bars, my favorite tea, a key to the front door, and a note that reads: To whoever ends up in here next, enjoy. I hope you like the weird wallpaper, but if not, all good. I was in a Phase.
Maybe whoever stumbles it across it will love it. Maybe they’ll burn the place down. It’s not really my business what they do with it. I’ve got a different home to work on, and right now, the entire kitchen needs to go.
For me, this way lies sanity. And don’t get me wrong — I hope whoever finds my books loves them! I want that very much! I hope people can get some meaning out of my art, and enjoy it, maybe even enough to share it with someone they love or leave a kind review. But I can’t make them. What am I supposed to do? Stand in the doorway like a realtor and correct their opinions?
(Some authors may feel tempted to do this. Do not do this.)
If someone picks Mossheart up for the very first time today and they absolutely hate it…oh well! They’re reacting to something I wrote 4.75 books ago. You’re talking to a ghost, and she’s got bigger problems — mainly, that her apartment at the time is full of black mold. (The universe loves it’s irony.) My goal with every book is to tell the best story possible with the tools I have at the time. I can say with confidence I did that with Mossheart. I published that book fully believing it was my Best Work Yet. I loved — and still love — that book. Are there things I’d do differently now? Sure! But the past is in the past, baby. And that wallpaper is permanent.
Maybe that’s why today, I’m filled with nothing but calm gratitude and tiny flashes of hope. Because now I get to set down another key. Mossheart is done; it’s been done for a long time now. I’m thrilled that it’s being ferried into the world in a cheaper, more accessible form, and hopeful, that it’ll land in the hands of the parents, teachers, librarians, and booksellers that know exactly what kind of kid will love my funky, moldy little world.
The door’s open wide open. You can say whatever you want about my countertop choices. And if you hate my lemon bars, it’s all good. I’m just happy you stepped through a door.
Happy paperback day, Ary. Sorry again about all the mold.
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What I’m Working On
I’m working on two things right now — my revision for I KILLED THE KING, which is out next fall and Not A Secret, and my first true crack at an adult fantasy. My nickname for it is Zelda book. Interpret that as you will.
I always say some books come in seasons, and some come in lightning strikes. Mossheart and King were lightning strike books; Zelda has come in seasons. When I get a new book idea, I like to tell it to take a seat and see if it has the patience to wait around. And Zelda book did. Patiently, with prolonged eye contact, tapping on the window and chiming in every few weeks to remind me she wasn’t going anywhere while I finished GHOSTWING, I KILLED THE KING, the second Neopets book, and my latest middlegrade project.
So here we are, a full year later, finally giving her the attention she deserves. And let me tell you — I am terrified. With my first seven books all being kidlit, every insecurity, doubt, and fear has been creeping up. But the only way out is through!
What I’m Up To
So, this is ridiculous, but for the first time since high school, I’m back on Tumblr. After years of social media filled with starving self-promo, fast-moving images and jokes crammed into minimal characters and short videos, it's a strange balm to be somewhere...quiet. And with three book releases happening in the next month, I need some quiet. I’ve been using it as a space to find and share beautiful art, and I am having a wonderful time.
I’m also (desperately!) trying to cultivate a new, healthier routine that balances writing goals with being a healthy, normal person. I have a tendency to try and go 1500% with this, fail, and get frustrated, so we’re taking it slow, and focusing on small rituals and tiny joys. The latest has been that I finally acquired a new kettle and some wonderful Jasmine tea.
What I’ve Loved Lately
My main love last month was Fields of Mistria, which released in early access in the final days of my deadline for I KILLED THE KING, and was my sole motivation for getting that book turned in on time. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted from Stardew Valley and Harvest Moon and I have am having the very best time.
Also, I made soup. On a 75 degree day. September means it’s fall in my book, okay? Bite me. I followed the recipe for this ridiculously good, ridiculously easy pork and cabbage soup that my fiance found on instagram, but added some MSG and saved the onions until the end as a garnish.
On the reading front, I only read one book last month (shame!) but it was The Inheritance Games, which I thoroughly enjoyed. Hopefully this month will be better for reading! My fiance also finally convinced me to watch Madmen and I’m not…certain how I feel about it yet, but it’s nice to have something to watch together!
News & Events
I’ve got two books out next month publishing one week apart from each other (I know, I know) which means October has started to fill up. We’re planning to do a dual launch for both THE GHOSTWING’S LIE and NEOPETS: THE OMELETTE FAERIE, so if you’re in my corner of Michigan, stay tuned and keep October 22nd clear!
And as a reminder, if you’d like signed copies, you can preorder GHOSTWING and NEOPETS from my local indie, Sidetrack Bookshop. If you don’t care about signed copies but are still planning to preorder — thank you! It can make a huge difference to a book’s beginning.
Here are my upcoming events:
Tuesday, September 24th, 6-7pm, I’m doing a terrarium-building event at the Southfield library. I love doing terrarium themed events. Come say hi!
Sunday, October 6th, 1-4pm, I’ll be an attending author at River’s Edge Brewing Co’s Books & Brews event.
Saturday, October 12th at 6:30pm I’ll be in conversation with the lovely Erin Craig to celebrate The Thirteenth Child at Sidetrack Bookshop in Royal Oak.
That’s all for this newsletter! I’m still trying to figure out the right format for these and how frequently I want to send them, so if you have any thoughts or requests, please feel free to send them my way.
Until then, happy September!
This probably isn’t actually how light year works, but I prefer to live in delusion.
I love the image of stepping out of a cottage you've outgrown. Looking forward to seeing you LOTS in October. <3
About Mad Men I will say that for a long time I thought I was the only member of my family to not love that show and then finally one day I finally reached season 2 and discovered it’s just season 1 that I don’t love. So my advice is to at least make it to season 2!