The pleasure of watching paint dry
This is not a metaphor about writing, until it is.
I’m sitting on the floor of our new house during a storm, and I’m thinking, mostly, about the pleasure of watching paint dry.
This is not a metaphor for writing, until it is.
(Before we get too far, for the purpose of this newsletter, I want to clarify I’m talking about writing, not publishing. Writing is personal; publishing is a business. I write because I love it. I publish because I want to get paid enough that I can continue to justify the amount of time I spend writing.)
Anyway! Storms and paint.
I harbor the harmlessly arrogant belief that a Michigan summer storm is unlike any other. I couldn’t wait for our first storm at the new home, even though I was nervous to see how our basement held up against it. (Surprisingly, well.) Our home is an old lady; a 1948 Detroit bungalow that’s come with all the charm, quirks, and problems expected of a nearly eighty year old house. Still, she’s ours. And I couldn’t wait to see how she handled our first torrential rain.
I also couldn’t wait to paint. This has become a recurring theme as of late — the older I get, the more I appreciate simple, dull tasks like doing the dishes or weeding or painting that force me to fill the time with something other than resigned boredom.
This admittedly has less to do with the paint, and more to do with the dogged persistence of trying to cultivate pleasure wherever I can. I’ve always leaned toward gratitude, but in the last few years I’ve acquired the profoundly grating air of someone who is painfully, blisteringly aware of how goddamnn lucky she is to be alive. It’s hard to complain about most things when I couldn’t read, write, or walk down the street a few years ago. It’s become a kind of game with myself. Show me ire and I’ll seek out a miracle. Point out boredom and I’ll hunt for delight. Complain to me about the weeds in the yard, and I’ll think, what a marvel, to see things grow!
I can’t help it. I also don’t want to. Life is a lot better like this. And my writing is certainly better, too.
When writers ask me how to make the work less miserable, I ask them to remember why they began. I started writing for the same reason I began going for a three mile walk every morning — because I liked it. Because I find it satisfying, and it’s good for me, and it makes me feel good enough in the long term that I want to continue doing it.
Yes, there are bad days. Yes, I often stare the ceiling and whisper, but it will be hard, and I don’t want to, at least not right now. Most days I get up and do it anyway. I remind myself that I started doing this thing regularly because I liked it, and that if I stopped, I’d probably like my life less.
This is how I feel about many of the aspects of writing so many love to groan about. And they’re welcome to groan! I am certainly not forbidding you from groaning. I’m just telling you the work gets easier the more you learn to like it. It will always be funny to me that this seems like a radical notion to so many artists — that we ought to try and enjoy our craft.
If I am going to dedicate my life to a craft, why wouldn’t I strive to enjoy it?
Here is a fact: if you want to write, and write professionally, you will need to learn to outline, pitch, revise, deal with writer’s block, edit, and edit again. You will have to learn to untangle sticky plots, shelve ideas and cannibalize old ones. As sure as death and taxes, if you want to be someone who writes, you are going to have to do things that are not inherently, instantly fun. Sometimes, no matter how prepared and practiced you are, it’s going to rain on your walk and you’re going to mess up your plot and have to rewrite the whole damn thing.
But what are you going to do? Stop?
I think we do writers a disservice when we tell them writing must always be boring, grueling, torturous work. I simply can’t subscribe to the school of self-flagellation that teaches there is nobility in needless suffering. And a lot of it is needless. It feels like every time I turn a corner, I see an artist complaining that engaging in their craft — this practice they’ve spent thousands upon thousands training for, the thing they’ve intentionally cultivated to fill the majority of their lives — is perpetually making them miserable. While I love a good hyperbole (who hasn’t complained that their book is trying to kill them?), my honest opinion is that if even the private act of writing for writing’s sake only ever makes you feel awful, you should probably find a better way to spend your time.
I mean it. If you hate it so much, quit! Seek out a more pleasant hobby. Find an easier job. If something is making you that miserable and you don’t have to do it, why continue? Take a break. Take a day, a week, a month. See how your life feels without it.
And if you decide you like your life and yourself better with the work in it, why not try to love it?
There is pleasure to be found in the hard, boring work of making and fixing and making again. It mirrors the pleasure I find in gardening even when I am up to my elbows in dirt, back straining and shoulders frying in the sun, physically uncomfortable but hopeful whatever I’ve planted will come back stronger next year. There is pleasure to be found in doing and having done. There is satisfaction to be had in mastery of the knottier, uglier tasks.
I wish there was a magic recipe for transforming the more painful aspects of the work from tedious chore to satisfying exercise, but so far the only solution I’ve found has been a combination of practice, persistence, and stubborn gratitude. I think it can be enough to say, this is difficult, but I am choosing to do it, and that will be enough for now without indulging in the temptation of needless misery. I think it’s perfectly fine to say, this will not always be fun, but it is a craft, and I am lucky to working at improving it. The work can be dull and punishing, but the act of doing it feels, to me, similar to watching a roller glide over a wall: sometimes joyful, usually satisfying, and in my worst moments, at the very least, neutral.
Here is the thing to remember: it’s a gift. All of it. Every troublesome line, every confusing edit, every drizzly morning. And now that I know what it means to have it all taken away, I refuse to pretend otherwise. I know when I talk about joy that eyes will roll and hackles will raise, but I simply don’t have it in me to care. Your misery is your right; and my joy is mine. I am a writer who, for a time, physically could not read or write. You will never convince me every word I’ve earned back is nothing short of a miracle.
So I try not to mind it — the blisters from walking, the laundry, the paint drying. The dead ends, the plot problems, the rewriting of a synopsis fifteen times over because something just isn’t quite right. I find joy where I can, and where I can’t find joy, I practice satisfaction, and when even satisfaction fails me, I strive for neutrality. I love most of it; and whatever I don’t, I work toward appreciating. I remind myself that none of the hard stuff is personal. My reaction is up to me.
If you’re going to spend the time, you might as well try to enjoy it.
Or don’t! Whine, groan, and kick your feet. Hate every second. Torture yourself and the ones around you. Waste your one stunning life acting like every marvel afforded to you is, in fact, a burden.
The time will pass anyway.
This section of the newsletter was first posted on Patreon. Thank you to my Patreon subscribers for supporting my work and making it a little bit easier to justify the time I spend writing, with a little more joy.
News
Given that it’s been an embarrassing amount of time since I’ve last sent a newsletter (ten months, I know, I know), I’ve got an embarrassing amount of news to catch you up on.
THE GHOSTWING’S LIE, the sequel to THE MOSSHEART’S PROMISE, comes out in four months! Ary Mossheart begins her final adventure October 15th.
I have a lot of love for these books. Mossheart came to me when I needed it most, and every time someone sends me kind words about these books my tired heart gets a glimmer of light back in. I really, really hope you all like the sequel when it’s out this fall. To call it a labor of love is an understatement.
Next up, NEOPETS: THE OMELETTE FAERIE will be out a week later on October 22nd!
I have a feeling that at the end of October I am going to be very happy, a bit overwhelmed, and incredibly tired. I still can’t believe I had the lucky and hilarious privilege to write two graphic novels for Neopets. I can’t wait for folks to pick this one up; and I can’t wait to share who Book 2 follows. (Somehow, incredibly, my friend Aly managed to guess it out of the blue, but no one else has.)
You can preorder both of these books from Sidetrack Bookshop and if you ask them to hold your copy of Ghostwing until Neoptes is out, they’ll ship them together for you! As always, I’m happy to sign & personalize upon request, and I’m always thrilled when you guys ask for doodles…
On the book news front, I’m happy to belatedly share that I’m writing more YA! (I told you I was behind on news.)
Around this time last year, I sent my dear friend Andrea Hannah an unhinged pitch for a magical YA fantasy Glass Onion. We threw together a proposal, and the end result was the most ridiculous, laughter-fueled writing experience I’ve ever had. To say I’m thrilled I KILLED THE KING is coming out next year doesn’t even begin to cover it. I can’t believe I got to write this book with my best friend. Prepare to be sick of us.
On the backlist front, my UK editor let me know that the UK kindle version of The Ones We Burn is only 99p. If you’re a UK reader that’s been waiting to pick up TOWB, you really can’t beat that price. The sale goes until the end of June. I hope you enjoy my unhinged witches!
Lastly, if you’re a Patreon subscriber, I shared a post recently all about blurbs where I explain what they are, the process behind them, and broke down some of the most common myths I see circulating the internet like clockwork every few months. (No, we don’t get paid for them. Yes, we usually do read all those books.)
Upcoming Events
I’ve got four summer events on the docket so far. These are all Michigan based, but if you’re in the area, I hope you’ll come say hi.
This Friday, June 28th, I’ll be doing a signing from 2-4pm at the new Barnes & Noble in Rochester, Michigan. Doing solo signings always make me nervous because I’m forever convinced no one will show up (it’s happened, and it is what it is) so if you feel like popping by, I’d love to say hello.
On July 16th, I have the pleasure of helping my dear friend Meriam Metoui launch her stunning and eerie sophomore novel Portrait Of a Shadow at Sidetrack bookshop. I’m very excited about this one. It’ll be a great chat!
Then, on July 20th, Andrea Hannah & I will be at the new Lake Orion Barnes & Noble from noon-3pm to sign books and chat. This is my hometown, and I am absolutely geeked to see LO finally get a bookstore. Teenage me would have spent all my money here!
Finally, on August 19th, I’ll be on Michigan’s west side for Gothic Girls Night at The Book Cellar in Grand Haven at with Andrea Hannah, Meriam Metoui, and Erin Craig. I am very excited, particularly because I don’t write gothic books, so I’ll be coming with my best, “I’m just happy to be here!” energy.
What I’m Working On
For the first time in what feels like forever, I’m not on a drafting deadline. It actually feels a bit inconceivable. And, admittedly, terrifying. The rhythm of these last few years has been largely determined by projects I sold from 2020-2023, so having a span of time where there’s just…nothing I’m contractually obligated to create from scratch feels a bit like stumbling into an unlit swamp, hoping for miracles and praying I don’t twist my ankle or get swallowed by a bog monster. Granted, it’s a small gap — in the fall, I’ll be working on the sequel to I KILLED THE KING — so I’m trying to take full advantage while I can.
Maybe that’s why for the first time I’ve found myself working on two things concurrently — a middlegrade and an adult. They couldn’t be more different, but I love them dearly. Both of these stories have been waiting patiently for me to make space for them, tapping their toes on the floor and reminding me every few weeks they won’t be going anywhere. One has lingered since 2019, the other in full since last summer (but in pieces since 2017), and I’m excited to finally give them both the time and attention they deserve. Drafting has been going well, and that uneasy feeling of feeling overexposed and doubtful of my own merit to point where I wonder if I ought to throw in the towel and go get a real job is returning, which means I’m probably on the right track.
Last week I also wrapped up pass pages for THE GHOSTWING, which gave me a lot of complicated feelings covering a whole kaleidoscope of joy, gratitude, ennui and terror, and started planning out KING2 with Andrea. I’m very excited to jump into KING2 planning and drafting and KING1 edits — but right now, I’m going to do my best to sit in this excited uncertainty while I play in new worlds.
What I’m Up To
I’ve been very offline for the first half of 2024, and for good reason — I’ve been busy. Last month, my fiance and closed on our first home together. It’s an old of house that definitely needs some TLC, but we got to stay in the city we love, our neighbors are great, and our cats are very excited about the abundance of windows.
I’m excited about a lot of things (a garden! no more landlord!) but the thing that truly has me vibrating in my skin is the fact I finally get my own office. I sort of had an office at our apartment, but renting and never knowing how long we’d been there meant I never really got to make it my own. But this one? I’m going in with my roller and some green-ass paint, and I’m ready to curate some pleasure in the face of boredom while I transform the room into a space that’ll be truly mine.
I can’t wait for all the books I’ll write in there.
What I’ve Loved Lately
Reading: I’m finally finishing up All The Beauty In The World (this one will definitely be added to the favorites shelf.) I also read The Secrets of Underhill which is a gorgeous MG fantasy that will be out next year and am very slowly making my way through the audiobook of The Familiar and savoring every word.
Listening: One of the surprises of recovering from my brain injury is slowly learning that parts of my life that I thought were just me were, in fact, a product of an ill brain. The biggest surprise is that I’ve started to like music again. After five years of most music sounding grating and terrible, this summer it’s started to sound…pleasant. I want to listen to it, often and loudly, and I want to listen to different things. I’ve had The Tortured Poets Department, What’s Your Pleasure, and Hit Me Hard and Soft on repeat. I also had a chance to see Maggie Rogers when she came to Detroit earlier this month, so we’ve got a lot of Maggie in there, too! The girl, so confusing version with lorde has also wormed itself into my brain and…also kind of made me want to cry? Art, man!
On an extremely different vibe, I’m also on a huge Eminem kick. Being from Michigan means I’m required by law to love Eminem, and something about it being summer means it’s the perfect time for this kind of nostalgia bomb. (I didn’t realize Eminem was famous famous until I was in college. Up until then, I thought he was just some guy from my area we all knew about. This story sounds ridiculous until you talk to other Michiganders and realize many of us felt the same. He’s ours!)
On the last front of Listening, I finally found the perfect youtube playlist for one of my WIPs. I typically can’t write to anything with lyrics, so I usually opt for some kind of Nintendo music playlist (although I’m curious to see if that changes eventually, too, given that I’ve started to like music again.) Until then, this Liminal Nintendo Music mix is everything I could have ever wanted.
Watching: I haven’t watched much television lately, but I am absolutely geeked about House of the Dragon returning. We’re staunchly team black over here!
That’s all I’ve got for you. As we move into the second half of the year and I find myself off deadline for the first time in ages, I’m evaluating how I want to spend my time, and how to wring joy out of the things I spend it on. I’m hopeful sending newsletters more frequently will be a part of it, but if not, I’ll do my best not to wait ten months until the next one. :)
Be well!
-Becca
A couple of times in my life I have taken writing breaks, and always whenever I’m called back to it, I’m able to find the joy and fun in it again
Becca, I love this. I have been struggling so hard lately but I took a beat and in that beat I remembered that I do this out of love, and I need to chase that joy again.